Post Office
I'm Going POSTAL!
andy in buenos aires
25 June 2008
I got a little notice from the post office (Correo Argentina) the other day
to let me know they tried to deliver a registered letter but I wasn't home.
In actual fact, I never left the house all day so that was a big fat lie. Mr
Postman just couldn't be arsed ringing the buzzer. The notice said I had to
come and pick up the 'package' from the local sorting office. There was no
option to have them redeliver but that's fine I'll go and stretch my legs.
Twenty minutes there, take a number, twenty minute wait, show drivers
licence as id, twenty minutes back. The 'package' was in fact a letter from
the post office. Hmm... why are the post office sending me registered
letters? The letter was a notice from the international sorting office
advising me that I have a 'package' to pick up. W.T.F. - Why didn't you just
let me know that in the first place!
So I head to the international sorting office downtown. Forty minutes there
by subway and walking, take a number, forty minute wait, show drivers
licence as id and...
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "You need to show a passport."
Me: - "huh!...I just showed my drivers licence to pick up a registered
package this morning so why do I need to show a passport now"
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "That was a domestic package, this is an
international package."
Me: - "W.T.F. why didn't you let me know this?"
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "We did, it's in the tiny fine print on the
back of the notice near the bottom."
Me: - "F$%&8@#&{~>?{}][%%#!!!!" x 10
Me: - "So I need to come back tomorrow, forty minutes by subway and walking,
take a number, forty minute wait, show Passport as id and then I get my
package right?"
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "No, this line is just to show id. We then give
you another ticket with a number and you go into the next room with 300
people and wait for your number to be called"
Me: - "You're F'in joking right?"
Surly Bored Postal Worker: - "Actually no and there's one more thing, you
need to pay a 4 pesos admin fee."
Me: - "F$%&8@#&{~>?{}][%%#!!!!" x 1000
Gone Postal - Past Tense!
27 June 2008
....So back I went the following day. If you don't know what I'm talking
about you need to start here first. Just to throw some complication into the
mix, a friend who had heard about my saga/adventure the previous day,
politely asked, if I could enquire about her missing package (a book), sent
from her Grandma in Portugal to Buenos Aires back in May, that had never
showed up. She had called the post office but got no answer. She had the
details (registration #) and was told by the Portugese Post office the
package was in the international post office in Buenos Aires. (kill 2 birds
with one stone n' all that!)
I like a challenge, so I accepted. Forty minutes by subway and walking, take
a number, forty minute wait, show passport as i.d. and I get handed the
magic ticket with a magic number, to go to the next room and wait with the
300 people, waiting for the package.
Then I ask about my friends M.I.A. package and am told, low and behold it's
here!
Me:- "Why wasn't it delivered?"
Rather Hot Postal Working Girl:- "Dunno!"
Me:- "Why didn't you send a notice to make my friend shlep down to the local
sorting office as a tease and then tell them they needed to shlep down to
this out of the way office, you know, like you did to me?"
Rather Hot Postal Working Girl:- "Dunno!"
Me:- "OK - so what now?"
Rather Hot Postal Working Girl:- "Hmmm... Well You need to go the next room
and wait for your number to be called out for YOUR package!......But you
need to be in this room too, so we can advise you about your friends
package!"
Me:- "Talented as I am my Dear, I cannae be in two places at the same time,
what do you recommend?"
Rather Hot Postal Working Girl:- "If I was you I would wait halfway, between
this room and the next and just keep your ears open - very open!"
Me:- "Fair enough, I like a challenge!"
Be careful for you wish for. This was not a digital display with luminous
numbers incrementing, there was no visual display what so ever! Only an
inaudible version of crazy bingo!
In Spanish - Over a really bad speaker....numero...12??34, 183???,
34???,45???? - NOT EVEN THE SAME SEQUENCE OF NUMBERS??????
Even the locals were stupified..What? Que? Que dice? No entiendo? TOTAL
FRIKKIN' chaos ensued! 300 pissed off confused people, wanting to kick some
postal ass!
Once your number was called you passed thru a turnstile and then two doors.
There was a big sign on the wall - "Don't enter unless your number has been
called!"
After an agonising hour of this farce, I stormed in and by a stroke of luck,
my number had been called. I picked up my first package and walked past the
security guards (without hassle or signing - make note for later on!) and
back to the other waiting room for package #2.
After an hour, I heard a scream of "Portugal!"
"That's me!" I said and waited for the package to be handed over but alas
NO, this was just the line to get the ticket to go back to the dreaded room
with the 300 people and wait your turn!
I picked up the ticket and waited an eternity trying to decipher the
inaudible drivel and finally picked up package # 2.
Free, Free Free at last!, I marched out of this hell hole!.... well not
exactly.. I got stopped by security because I hadn't signed my packages out,
(despite having no trouble the first exit?) so had to return and sign,
countersign, initial etc.
NOTE: DON'T POST ME ANYTHING HERE. EVER! NOT EVEN A CHEQUE. JUST WIRE $$$ TO
MY ACCOUNT! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE! PRETTY PLEASE!
So what was in the package that was worth all this shi$ I hear you ask?
No frikkin' idea - I haven't even opened it yet! - See Photo above! - Tune
in tomorrow!
AXIS of EVIL!
28 June 2008
What was my reward for hours of torture spent bouncing between numerous
waiting rooms at the post office? If you are just joining this thread you
need to read here and then here first to know what I'm venting about.
As somewhat anticipated, my parcel was a batch of forwarded mail from the UK
containing the following:
9 bank statements and
7 credit card statements
1 Annual report publication (199 pages) from a bank (yawn)
2 Pension statements from the USA (showing a loss for last quarter)
(despite the fact I signed up for electronic versions only for all of the
above!)
2 Natwest bank card readers (whatever they are?)
8 solicitations for extra credit and balance transfers (how many trees do
banks kill every day?)
and........ drum roll please.......................
A letter from securemail delivery service in the UK saying that they tried
twice to deliver an atm card but I wasn't there to accept it, so I need
contact them to arrange to pick it up in person (must show id) - that's
going to be easy, NOT! The damn machine swallowed my card here recently so I
had ordered a replacement and that was the one thing I really needed!
Now that North Korea is off the list, I'm officially nominating the Post
Office all over the world as part of the "AXIS of EVIL!"
Join forces with me now and help spread the word!
andy in buenos aires
Going postal