Neurotic wife

JUNE 2007

nEUROTIC WIFE an American guy
G, an American guy in his late 50's, a resident of California, has helped quite a few Iraqis while he's been here. He is one of those few that kept a quiet profile, yet did alot. He is not about words, he is about actions. Although I never really got close to him, but because I sit across from him, I see and hear the way he treats my Iraqi coworkers. Whatever they want, whatever they wish for, he is ready to lend a helping hand. G is a sicilian originally, and you can catch that by his strong accent, which reminds me so much of the God father movies.
Although he can be a pain in the butt, and annoys the hell outta me when he clips his nails in the office, with the sound resonating in my ears, eeeewwww, I still believe he is much better than many of the Iraqi expats around. He even was able to get an Iraqi woman and her son out of the country. He paid for their tickets, and gave her some money. And no, he had no ulterior motives. He just is someone who came here to truly make a difference. G was always critical of his government and their policies. He came here hoping to take part in what he thought was the largest recon program in the history of the world, but was shocked to see and find out the truth. So instead, he spent all his efforts in lending a helping hand, literally.
G is not alone. But there arent enough of G's around. Its funny, he actually got demoted because of the time he spent helping people instead of doing his work. That was G...

..HUBBY is going back....YUP, back to Baghdad...Back to Baghdad and this time alone...Forget Kuwait, forget the world, its back to my war torn country...AGAIN...I just cant get over it...Im extremely upset and disappointed...Everytime he opens the subject I just place my fingers in my ears and tell him I aint listening...

The other day we were watching some sitcom and this lady was wearing boxer shorts...HUBBY said "hmm, she looks sexy"... A light bulb flashed in my mind...I slowly tiptoed to his chest of drawers, rummaged through his boxers, found a nice green striped one(green my favourate colour) , as I was trying to put it on....Heard HUBBY's footsteps,....I glid through it so fast and saw him standing there..."What you doing" he asked....Umm, trying to look sexy I answered with my hand holding the boxers from falling and a slight smile on my face...You like??? Will you change your mind about Baghdad now???

Well, needless to say my trick didnt work...He still is going...Maybe I should do some real cooking...I bought a few cookbooks in hope of luring HUBBY...Needed to brush on my culinary habbits...They say The way to a mans heart is through his stomach...Hmm, another light bulb is flashing...Maybe I should cook this calamari dish he has been asking for and sedate him....YES YES YES...Then do as my mom instructed me....Hide his passport...LMAO...I really hope HUBBY aint reading this or else he wont eat a thing I would prepare....And the hopes of hiding his passport will condensate into thin air....

I mean to go back to that time of my life, worrying, stressing, freaking out is no fun...I really cant believe it...What is it I have achieved??? NOTHING...A big fat NOTHING...And the darn problem is he aint listening...Granted he still wants to help out, but give me a break...People are leaving... only the insane are going back...Besides what kind of rebuilding is taking place...we were there....we saw the reality of projects...A school that was in shambles, was renovated by painting the walls pink....pink walls WILL NOT enhance the education of the Iraqi kids!!! Where are the kids in the first place???Almost many of the parents have refrained from sending their children to the schools because of the security situation...Most of the teachers have fled...either in hiding or left the country for good....WOW great rebuilding!!!

Take hospitals, whats the point of putting some new medical equipment, or painting the maternity rooms orange when the doctors have become a prime target for kidnappers and terrorists...You go there and theres no one to look after you...Nurses and doctors decided to seek a better life in Jordan, Syria or the UAE....Your only salvation is maybe the newly painted orange wall staring back at you...aha great efforts...

The roads and bridges that were renovated, are prime targets for bombs and highway bandits...I mean cmon...Rebuilding...yes its there...The money has been spent...More money is gonne be spent, but for what....and for who...HUBBY has seen how things work there, and yet he still wants to go...To achieve what??? Says its the principle...What principle HUBBY??? Im really really teed off...I mean really...2 years on and its the same darn conversation...the same darn arguements...

We have received an email from a friend of ours who was working with us in Baghdad...He is an Iraqi with US citizenship...Went back to the States for 2 months and now he is in Baghdad with another organisation...HUBBY immediately said "See, even H went back" Yeah HUBBY H went back but I aint his wife, so I cant say anything except he is crazy...

I was also disappointed and hence didnt blog for awhile, cuz I sent a few emails to some US newspapers inorder to work as a columnist or a freelancer...None of them wrote back...Not a single one...Which made me rethink about my writing ability...I think Ive lost that lustre...It was always a dream...a dream to write a book...to write a story...But now, this dream is gone...shattered...Always wanted my voice to be heard...Always wanted to lend a helping hand...But...it seems...I dont stand a chance...And now that HUBBY will leave me yet AGAIN, I can feel myself slipping into my depression...My Dark Depression...