ISLAM
Quran 2:47 actually opened
with the incredible assertion:
“O children of Israel!
Remember those blessings of Mine with which I graced you, and
how I favoured you above all other people.”
WOMEN
MUST BE SHAVED
A shaved woman makes a tired
husband after a long journey very happy.
Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62,
Number 173:
Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah:
The Prophet said, “If you enter (your town) at night (after
coming from a journey), do not enter upon your family till
the woman whose husband was absent (from the house) shaves
her pubic hair .”
THE FLOOR WHERE YOU PROSTRATE
MUST BE FREE OF URINE
During prophet time,
dogs used to come and urinate in the mosque all the
time. Prophet was so sick and tired that he ordered
all dogs of Madina killed.
Bukhari Volume 1, Book 4, Number 174:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Hamza bin ‘Abdullah narrated: My father said.
“During the lifetime of Allah’s Apostle, the dogs
used to urinate, and pass through the mosques (come
and go).”
Bukhari volume 4, Book
54, Number 540:
Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar:
Allah’s Apostle ordered that the dogs should be
killed.
NOISY AND SMELLY FARTS MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH AND BREAK
THE PRAYERS
Every time prayer
breaks you have to go and make a new wudu. It is
really irritating when an imam has to break prayers
and go for a new wudu. It is best imams stay away
from beans.
Bukhari Volume 1, Book
4, Number 137:
narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah’s Apostle said,
“The prayer of a person breaks by passing of wind
from the anus.”
. Once, after beans
were served in walima feast at prophet’s house the
isha prayer took two hours because prophet and all
namazis were preaking prayer and making wudu
repeatedly.
Disruption was also
caused by the namazis laughing out loud every time
some one farted .Prophet had to turn around and stop
them.
Muslim:B40N6837
Prophet advised in
regard to people laughing at other’s passing wind
from anus and said: ‘You laugh at that which you
yourself do.’”
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When I
was a child in Pakistan my mother and I hired a religious tutor, a “maulvi,”
to come to our house and help us do exegesis (tafsir) of the entire Quran. I
was nine. It was fun being a student alongside my mom because she did all
the work and knew all the answers and I could zone out. The maulvi would
come on his bicycle, guzzle down a gallon of butter-milk and shove down the
requisite two or three potato-filled parathas and then proceed to go through
the Quran with us, verse by verse, and reference the works of exegetes like
Mawdudi and Ibn Kathir to tell us what each verse meant. It was an enjoyable
experience until my mother told my dad that the maulvi hit on her. My mother
dropped out and I had to go to the maulvi at his dingy mosque in the
commercial section. A week into my solitary lessons we were discussing Moses
and his people that the maulvi told me the astounding fact that once upon a
time the Jews were turned into monkeys. Of course at first I didn’t believe
this, but he told me it was right there in the Quran. As I was leaving he
told me that some of the Jews were actually pigs (the word he used was the
Urdu word “khanzeer” which is closer to “swine.”) A few days later I too
stopped going to the maulvi because I found I could use the money my father
gave me to pay the maulvi and instead spend it in the toy market. The whole
idea of Jews as apes and pigs was forgotten.
Many years later
in America, a friend tried to point out that at least the animals the Jews
were turned into (apes and pigs) were those with whom humans had the most
genetic similarity. I appreciated his effort but this was not enough for me.
May 18th,
2006
Hello. My Name is Aliya Ehteram.
In the Name of Allah,The Giving, The More Giving
Salam, dear People. How are you? Mashallah, my cousin
Ali Eteraz went to work and left his
computer on and I noticed that
Ali Eshtehar, my husband, was out burning
some flags, so I have come to reveal to you that I have been living in a
state of sin for the past few months, so please, I ask all of you,
especially the Muslims amongst you, to judge me, and find me an immoral
adulteress, because that is what I am.
Up until a few months ago I was married, well, actually, I
am still married, I think. No wait, I'm not married, because if I was
married, I wouldn't be living in a state of sin. Ok, hold on, let me explain
this. See, I got married to this guy from Faisalabad. Ali Eshtehar
introduced us — well, introduced him to my father and my father said that it
would be good for us to get this man an American Passport because he had
spent his life serving the great Islamic Republic of Taliban, so we married
him. Well, I married him, but you see, in al-Islam, marriages are between
families, so in a way, he's married to all of us. I guess this is why we
believe in polygamy so that everyone can marry everyone and live in harmony.
Marriage, you see, is the foundation of security and harmony.
Shortly after we were married he started beating me. When i
asked him why he told me it was because he missed his first wife back in
Pakistan. I thought that was a really sad thing, I mean, it must be
difficult for a man to be away from his wife, and I felt so sad for him so I
asked him that if he ever wanted to hit me again in such feelings of
loneliness, he had only to warn me and I'd acquiesce, for Allah has stated
that men are appointed guardians over women, and that it is a woman's
responsibility to provide for her husband's every desire, and to conceal and
protect every one of his failings. I believed I was acting out of total
righteousness and virtue and beacuse of this I believed that Allah would
bring blessings to my marriage because you see just as the summer comes from
winter, true freedom comes from slavery.
Alhamdulillah, this became the status quo and I carried on
my spousal duties with the utmost of belief in the mercies of God, but then
he started to ask me to put on the niqab, actually, first he said that my
hijab was haram because I didn't use a double layer jilbab to cover my
thighs, so that when I sat down and crossed my legs at public gatherings,
there was still a chance that the young men (Ali Eshtehar's friends mostly),
would be able to see the silhouette of my thigh, and ejaculate to it in the
privacy of their homes, which meant that I was making them sin, and thereby
assuring that my husband (who is judged on his wife's behalf on the day of
judgment), will have to suffer hell (and was indirectly a homosexual since
he was arousing other men). So I went ahead and started to cover my nose and
mouth so that only my eyes could be seen, but he said my eyes were so
beautiful mashallah — oh, how he applied the lessons of love from Ghazali's
Book Of Marriage — that they too had the ability to arouse men in public,
and therefore, I should simply stay at home and never go for grocery.
Problem was, I really loved doing grocery shopping. Wasn't it true that the
Darwin, May Allah Curse him, said that women were into gathering? Plus, I
had all these Pathmark and Vons cards that could give me so many discounts.
So one day I was getting ready to go to the grocery store
and my husband stopped me and he said that if I took another step I would be
divorced, and that made me break my heart for him, and I stumbled down, and
since he had made an Islamic promise, and I had technically taken a step (to
my left as I fell), it meant I was divorced. After taking of my body one
last time, he said "I divorce you" three times to me as he went to the
washroom (because a woman's musk is impure and he always likes to be in a
state of ritual purity), and that meant that I was divorced. Then, when I
was sitting there crying I called Ali Eshtehar to tell him that I had been
divorced and if he could come pick me up, and he did come, and fortunately
he didn't say I needed to wear the niqab. Before we left I said to him,
'wait, isn't it true that in Islam a woman has many rights and one of them
is that she can collect the 'mahr' from her husband if he divorces her?' Ali
Eshtehar said this was true, except that it was only technically true and
that on the day of my marriage my father had waived the mahr, because after
all, if a divorce happened, it would be my fault anyway. So it meant I had
no mahr, basically.
Then, on our way home, I suddenly heard my cell phone
ringing and it was my husband and he said come back and that I better not be
with any strange men. I told him I was only with Ali Eshtehar but he told me
that a woman's male cousin can be aroused by her and therefore under the
Quran, he is a non-mahram and that I had to walk home an no longer be in the
car with a strange man because whenever a man and woman are together the
devil is the third. So I walked home and my husband told me to cook and I
did, mashallah, he works so hard. That night he took to me again, and I
imagined that we were back together and that he had not meant the divorce.
Unfortunately, I realized in a book of fiqh that in our
beautiful religion a man cannot remarry his wife upon divorcing her unless
she first marry and perform intercourse with another man, so it means that
while I am 'still' married to my husband, I am not really technically
married to him because he divorced me and then took me back without first
giving me a chance to do the intercourse with a new husband (who would then
have to divorce me). All this means that I am living in a state of sin.
Mashallah Islam is so perfect and I am sure that the flaw is with me so I am
asking if any of you have an answer, please help me, email me, I will give
you my email in a second. I just have to say though that if you get a
chance, please talk to Ali Eteraz, he is such a loser, and a deviant, and he
should be there for me, but all he does is write about the
virgins in paradise, and
stories that don't matter.
Oh here comes Ali Eshtehar, I think he singed his eyes. It
was that Israeli flag that did it to him…
Dear Allah, please hasten the arrival of the Islamic State
so that I may be stoned to death as is my punishment determined for being an
adulteress.
